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You’ve been dumped. Short of throwing yourself
off the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed
for days, comforted only by the fact that at least you
have a year’s supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your
answering machine is on the alert in the hopeful case that
your once loved one might call and beg to have you back.
Only, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies?
It’s a constant reminder that the emptier it gets, the
more bloated you are. But, you don’t care. You wish the
earth would open you up and swallow you whole. Sound
familiar?
Cases like this happens everyday.
Falling in love has its risks and you’ve just
experienced it first hand. You want your life back but
don’t know the first thing about how to get out of that
black cloud that hovers over you, or even finding the
energy to do it.
What do you do?
Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through three
different stages during a break-up. Once you realize this,
you can chart your progress and see that it’s only a short
trip to recovery.
STAGE ONE – The Hurting Stage
Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It’s where
you are now. It’s your heart’s way of telling you that you
have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You
cry, you’re depressed and you have no idea how you are
going to live without him/her. You leave messages on his
answering machine and text him to the point where you are
becoming psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early
morning to see if his vehicle is still at his house or he
is – gulp – off with another woman. You drive by where he
works and contemplate going in and crying your eyeballs
out to let him know this has hurt you beyond repair. You
either eat tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don’t
eat at all and your health suffers. You cry on your
co-worker’s shoulders and hope they can help you get out
of this mess. You are, essentially, gone and a hopeless
mess.
How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good
time to hang out with friends and watch a few comedies,
even though you just aren’t up to it. Rekindle family
relationships. Talk to older family members about how they
met their husbands/wives and how they coped with troubled
relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to remember
things that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride
through the countryside? A trip to the beach even in the
cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the
shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of
rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on
you.
You have to acknowledge that this is the normal process
of grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can
really help at this point because as with the death of a
loved one, this is the same feeling. It’s a natural
process. Give it time and remember that soon you will
enter the second stage.
THE SECOND STAGE – The Getting Even Stage
Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to
heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to
dump me! You vow you’re going to make his/her life a
living hell as long as you are alive. You start dating.
Only, these are rebounds. Rebound relationships most times
happen in this second stage. Some last, but most do not
for the simple reason that you will do anything in your
power to inflict pain on the one who did it to you.
How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you’re
halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy feeling
to have, it is a normal reaction after you’ve gotten over
the feeling of hurt. However, instead of going postal and
risk the chance you may do something you’ll regret later,
take his/her picture and throw darts at it. Burn love
letters. Finalize the break-up by getting rid of
everything you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that
years from now, you’ll wish you did have some kind of
remembrance of the relationship because it’s all part of
your life history. Whatever you do keep, look at it as a
symbol of how well you did cope and can look at the
relationship as a learning experience.
STAGE THREE – The Not Giving a Damn Stage
Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask
yourself what you saw in this person in the first place.
Nothing he/she does now bothers you. In fact, you are
happy he/she has left because you are ready now to form
new relationships, new loves.
How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this
last stage, you have finally come to the point where you
can go on from here and form new relationships.
Relationships that aren’t rebound. When you finally get to
this last stage, you will become the person you once were
– full of happiness, hope and a quest for life.
Once you realize the three stages of a break-up, it
helps you to understand the process that is involved. Just
as it took time to fall in love, you don’t just fall out
of it overnight.
It helps to remember that there will always be a
tomorrow and that there is always that second chance to
find that special person who is meant to share his/her
life with you. Life is full of second, third and even more
chances. So, pick up your heart, go through the process to
heal and chalk it all up to experience. You’ll be glad you
did. In the words of an unknown author, “Never forget what
is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”
© Dorothy Thompson
Dorothy Thompson is a relationship columnist and the
editor/contributing author of "Romancing the Soul." She is
also the author of the ebook "How to Find and Keep Your
Soul Mate." Dorothy is a popular radio guest and is
available for interviews. You can visit her website at
http://www.dorothythompson.net or her blog at
http://www.soulmateadvice.blogspot.com.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/
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