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The following things should never, ever, ever be said
on a first date--if you want that first date to lead to a
second date.
1) Are those real?
2) Are you pregnant?
3) Is it okay if Mom comes with us?
4) Do you have any money?
5) I hope you don’t mind walking. My ex-wife just had
my car repossessed.
6) You can’t call me because I am living at the Y.
7) My doctor says I’m not contagious anymore.
8) My parents said I had to be home by 10. Do you have
a curfew too?
9) I can’t go out to dinner with you, but you can come
here. I am under house arrest.
10) Don’t believe what everyone says about me.
11) If anyone comes looking for me, just make believe
you haven’t seen me.
12) Can you drive? My driver’s license has been
suspended for the next five years.
13) You look just like my mother.
14) Hey, this date has already lasted longer than my
last 12.
15) I hope you like kids. All six of mine are coming
with us.
16) Do you like Star Trek and go to conventions too?
17) Sorry about the smell. I didn’t have time to bathe.
18) I usually only date supermodels.
19) My therapist said meeting new people and going out
in public would be good for me.
20) Let’s just skip the pretense and go back to your
place.
Jill L. Ferguson is a writer, editor, public speaker
and professor of Literature, Creative Writing and
Communication at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music.
Her novel, Sometimes Art Can't Save You, was published in
October 2005 by In Your Face Ink, LLC. (http://www.inyourfaceink.com)
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