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FAST. FAST. FAST. With the advent of high technology,
everything happens now in a sort of pass-and-shoot
continuum. Does this mean you have to fall in love
tomorrow or bypass the dating scene? Of course not! But
maybe, it might not be a bad idea to jump-start the
selection process for your would-be mate...
Speed dating is one such nifty means of addressing your
social needs. This is actually a dating activity of Jewish
origin where singles have seven 7-minute dates. It is an
effective - and fast - way of finding The One. Through
this smart dating mechanism, you need not unnecessarily
invest your time, effort and emotion on go-nowhere
entanglements (a.k.a. GONEs in Speed Dating jargon) and
other similar dating pitfalls! It is a most apt, effective
and popular phenomenon, fitting perfectly into
marriage-minded singles' (MMs) agenda. Gone are the
interminable 3-hour dates where you can't help but fidget
and curse yourself for the umpteenth time why you relented
and went out with your mother's bestfriend's niece/nephew!
Essentially, a man and woman are paired up in an
appointment (the venue is usually pre-arranged by the
dating service provider). They then have 7 minutes to
talk, and are given the cue when it is time to move on to
another table, where they have the chance to talk to
another 'date'. At the end of the activity, each
participant is asked to fill out a card for each of the
persons he or she has interacted with. Each person is then
given their card tallies, and they are immediately
informed of who are interested to date them further. 7
minutes? Yes, 7 precious minutes where each word you say,
each non-verbal message you send, and each little move
that you make counts! Hey, if you think this time frame is
short, other speed dating events offer only 5 or 3 minutes
per date.
Now let's go to the serious stuff. Given that time is
very precious, you need to know what things to say and
what not to. The following is a very concise yet extremely
helpful list of do's and don'ts when talking during this
activity. Remember, those 7 minutes are all you have...
Go!
* Do not talk about family problems. There is a time
and place for everything, and a fast 7-minute date is no
occasion to do a 'Dear Miss Abby' episode. NO, he or she
does not need to know NOW that you were molested as child.
What you do need to do is give a positive impression while
not straining yourself in trying to impress him/her. Talk
about what you like to do as a hobby, the type of movies
and music you like, favorite hang-out, etc. If you are
pressed for details about 'serious stuff' like what you do
and where you work or about family matters, delay
disclosing the relevant details. (In some speed dating
events, these questions are not even allowed.) As a
precaution, do remember that you are talking to a
stranger. On the lighter side, it doesn't harm to project
an image of mystery either. * Do not talk about failed
relationships in the past or other things that you resent
doing. This is not confession time. Details about
delinquent or reckless behavior (past or present) are
uncalled for. This is not to say that you should be
dishonest at these events but only to point out that that
these are for more intimate, subsequent encounters. * Do
not talk about the awful time you had today. Keep in mind
that this is your first encounter. You don't talk about
how you have had bad blood with your boss, how your
angered colleague screamed at you at the top of her lungs,
how you are underperforming, or similar stuff. For all you
know, he or she may not be interested in your work - much
less in the people you work with. Avoid complaining;
rather, project that you are positive, appreciative and
easy to get along with. Now let us be clear about our
projections - we do not mean to disillusion our dates, we
simply want to exert extra effort to highlight our
strengths and downplay our weaknesses. * Do talk about
your purpose. Marriage-minded singles should have the
shared goal of meeting Mr. / Ms. Right during speed dating
events. Being a sacred and life-long commitment,
establishing a shared purpose is very important. You may
want to ask about what matters to him/her most at this
point in his/her life. Is it career? Family? Religion?
Discovering your date's center and purpose in life (at
least for now), would be a very good indicator if you
would really hit it off. You may also want to delve on
common hobbies or pastimes. And although you want to share
your and hear about your date's perspective on relevant
topics, avoid topics that are very prone to argument (e.g.
religion, politics, abortion, etc.). For example, you may
want to ask, "Time with family is very important to me.
Would you want to share your view on this?" * Do talk
about his/her interests. At the onset of the conversation,
you may have a hunch about what appeals to your date. Zoom
in on these interests - things which he/she has a passion
for - and delve lengthily and confidently on these topics.
Avoid sounding like Mr. Webster or Ms. Know-It-All though;
just project enough confidence to sustain easy, casual
conversation on the topic. More than projecting an image
of confidence, this also effectively creates an impression
that you are someone who is ready to listen and who is
keen on knowing what your date is passionate about.
Oh, and one final, very important piece of advice -
talk and listen emphatically - with your head and with
your heart. You may be good at projecting - or faking -
sincerity at first, but artificiality will certainly be
found out in your next encounters. And if all else fails
during the first speed date, heck, find another event near
you! Speed dating is so popular now that one is bound to
take place in your area.
Ironically, speed dating is effective in finding the
one with whom time seems to stand still. Have fun!
About the Author
Katrina Recto writes for Singles Dating 247.com - If
you are single and looking for love then this is the site
for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on
the Internet and the DrDating Forum - a forum for people
looking for help in love, relationships and dating. |
