Five to seven minutes does not seem like a awful lot of
time and believe me, it isn’t. On most normal timed
first dates you would still be exchanging pleasantries
and ‘umming’ in the first few minutes. On a speed date,
the one thing you don’t have is the luxury of time. If
you want to find someone through the speed dating
system, you can’t afford to be tongue tied. If you spend
the allotted five minutes barely talking to the person
in front of you, you’ll never be able to identify the
right people from amongst the ones you meet up in the
span of one evening. What more, very few people will
pick you as their match. No one wants to date someone
who does not talk, is nervous or is plain boring.
The best way to maximize your potential matching at a
speed dating event is to have at hand a list of
questions and conversation starters to keep the
conversation moving. This will help kill long silences
and will enable you to click with the right guy or gal
out there. We are not really recommending that you carry
a sheet of paper with your questions neatly typed to the
speed dating event, but do have them in your head and be
ready to use them.
Information Oriented Questions Marion Fletcher, who runs
a speed dating service, says 90% of people start with
one of these two questions at a speed date without
realizing that such information oriented questions are
time killers. They fill up five minutes but do not help
you get to know the person at hand any better.
“What do you do?”
It is almost natural to ask the person what they do and
to tell them about your own job. While this question may
be useful in pegging a person’s social and professional
status in your mind, it will reveal very little about
their personality and their way of thinking. If you must
know whether the person in front of you is a mechanic or
a banker ask by all means, but don’t let a professional
discussion dominate your five minutes. Move on to other
questions as fast as possible.
“Where do you live?”
Would it really help to know exactly which neighborhood
they live in? Would it add to your knowledge if you were
to know they have a room mate who works with them? This
question is one that in all likelihood will get thrown
back at you. Do you really think it is safe to reveal
your address or neighborhood to someone you barely know?
Open Ended Questions As far as possible keep your
questions open ended. Close ended questions, which a
person can answer in a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ don’t fuel
conversation. Nor do they tell you anything much about a
person. Some good examples of open ended questions
include:
"Have you ever been to ________?"
Ask them if they have ever been to a local spot that you
enjoy. Maybe it's a club, restaurant, or amusement park.
This is good conversation opener and will help you find
out what kind of places they like to hang out at and
what their concept of a fun place is.
"Where did you get that _______?"
Ask them about a specific piece of jewelry or clothing.
This may help reveal more about their choice in clothes
and jewelry, where and what kind of things they like to
shop for and you may even get entertained by a story
related to the piece under discussion.
Leisure activity related Questions Questions related to
leisure time can be great conversation starters. They
can also tell you a lot about the person’s time out of
work including what they like to do when they are free
and how open they are to new experiences. It may also
help you find common interests. Some good questions
related to leisure activities are:
What was your favorite vacation?
This will tell you how often they vacation and what kind
of a vacation they like. It will also reveal the places
they head out to – congested tourist spots or isolated
beaches.
What kind of Movies do you like?
Did they love the last action flick or did they cry
their heart out watching the candy floss romance that
hit the theatres last week? Do you have common ground in
the kind of movies you watch?
Do you like Sports?
Both men and women like sports and if you are both
enthusiasts of the outdoors, you could hit it off very
well. You may even end up going to watch the same sports
together. You may also hook up to go hiking, parasailing
or jogging together.
Use these open ended questions to help keep the
conversation going. The greater your interaction with a
person in your limited time span, the more you will know
about them. You will then confidently pick the right
matches at the end of the event. At all points remember
to go with your instincts, even when they can’t be
logically explained. If your instinct says you have a
match, go ahead and take the plunge!
©
2005. All rights reserved
Ruchita writes for
Speed Dating . com
- Speed Dating Information, Articles, Reviews and Links
to the best Speed Dating Sites on the Internet.
|
