FAST. FAST. FAST. With the advent of high technology,
everything happens now in a sort of pass-and-shoot
continuum. Does this mean you have to fall in love
tomorrow or bypass the dating scene? Of course not! But
maybe, it might not be a bad idea to jump-start the
selection process for your would-be mate…
Speed dating is one such nifty means of addressing your
social needs. This is actually a dating activity of
Jewish origin where singles have seven 7-minute dates.
It is an effective – and fast - way of finding The One.
Through this smart dating mechanism, you need not
unnecessarily invest your time, effort and emotion on
go-nowhere entanglements (a.k.a. GONEs in Speed Dating
jargon) and other similar dating pitfalls! It is a most
apt, effective and popular phenomenon, fitting perfectly
into marriage-minded singles’ (MMs) agenda. Gone are the
interminable 3-hour dates where you can’t help but
fidget and curse yourself for the umpteenth time why you
relented and went out with your mother’s best friend's
niece/nephew!
Essentially, a man and woman are paired up in an
appointment (the venue is usually pre-arranged by the
dating service provider). They then have 7 minutes to
talk, and are given the cue when it is time to move on
to another table, where they have the chance to talk to
another ‘date’. At the end of the activity, each
participant is asked to fill out a card for each of the
persons he or she has interacted with. Each person is
then given their card tallies, and they are immediately
informed of who are interested to date them further. 7
minutes? Yes, 7 precious minutes where each word you
say, each non-verbal message you send, and each little
move that you make counts! Hey, if you think this time
frame is short, other speed dating events offer only 5
or 3 minutes per date.
Now let’s go to the serious stuff. Given that time is
very precious, you need to know what things to say and
what not to. The following is a very concise yet
extremely helpful list of do’s and don’ts when talking
during this activity. Remember, those 7 minutes are all
you have… Go!
* Do not talk about family problems. There is a time and
place for everything, and a fast 7-minute date is no
occasion to do a ‘Dear Miss Abby’ episode. NO, he or she
does not need to know NOW that you were molested as
child. What you do need to do is give a positive
impression while not straining yourself in trying to
impress him/her. Talk about what you like to do as a
hobby, the type of movies and music you like, favourite
hang-out, etc. If you are pressed for details about
‘serious stuff’ like what you do and where you work or
about family matters, delay disclosing the relevant
details. (In some speed dating events, these questions
are not even allowed.) As a precaution, do remember that
you are talking to a stranger. On the lighter side, it
doesn’t harm to project an image of mystery either.
* Do not talk about failed relationships in the past or
other things that you resent doing. This is not
confession time. Details about delinquent or reckless
behaviour (past or present) are uncalled for. This is not
to say that you should be dishonest at these events but
only to point out that that these are for more intimate,
subsequent encounters.
* Do not talk about the awful time you had today. Keep
in mind that this is your first encounter. You don’t
talk about how you have had bad blood with your boss,
how your angered colleague screamed at you at the top of
her lungs, how you are underperforming, or similar
stuff. For all you know, he or she may not be interested
in your work – much less in the people you work with.
Avoid complaining; rather, project that you are
positive, appreciative and easy to get along with. Now
let us be clear about our projections – we do not mean
to disillusion our dates, we simply want to exert extra
effort to highlight our strengths and downplay our
weaknesses.
* Do talk about your purpose. Marriage-minded singles
should have the shared goal of meeting Mr. / Ms. Right
during speed dating events. Being a sacred and life-long
commitment, establishing a shared purpose is very
important. You may want to ask about what matters to
him/her most at this point in his/her life. Is it
career? Family? Religion? Discovering your date’s centre
and purpose in life (at least for now), would be a very
good indicator if you would really hit it off. You may
also want to delve on common hobbies or pastimes. And
although you want to share your and hear about your
date’s perspective on relevant topics, avoid topics that
are very prone to argument (e.g. religion, politics,
abortion, etc.). For example, you may want to ask, “Time
with family is very important to me. Would you want to
share your view on this?”
* Do talk about his/her interests. At the onset of the
conversation, you may have a hunch about what appeals to
your date. Zoom in on these interests – things which
he/she has a passion for – and delve lengthily and
confidently on these topics. Avoid sounding like Mr.
Webster or Ms. Know-It-All though; just project enough
confidence to sustain easy, casual conversation on the
topic. More than projecting an image of confidence, this
also effectively creates an impression that you are
someone who is ready to listen and who is keen on
knowing what your date is passionate about.
Oh, and one final, very important piece of advice – talk
and listen emphatically – with your head and with your
heart. You may be good at projecting – or faking –
sincerity at first, but artificiality will certainly be
found out in your next encounters. And if all else fails
during the first speed date, heck, find another event
near you! Speed dating is so popular now that one is
bound to take place in your area.
Ironically, speed dating is effective in finding the one
with whom time seems to stand still. Have fun!
©
2005. All rights reserved
Lan writes for
Speed Dating . com
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